A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Integrity (p. 94). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
And we really do need each other.
Henry says, “When people feel needed, they perform at levels past the ones that come out of other requirements. To have a job or meet some quota is one thing. But to be performing because someone needs you takes you to levels that only the heart can push you to. There is a huge difference between the kind of leader who comes in and says, ‘Here are the goals. They have come down from above, and corporate is demanding that we get it done. So, no slacking off or not giving less than one thousand percent. Meet these numbers or I guarantee you some heads are going to roll. I will see to it personally. Anybody who doesn’t do their part might as well get the résumé ready’ versus ‘OK, guys. We have some big goals here. They are daunting, in some ways. But, that is what is being asked of us.
“ ‘Let me tell you something. I think we can do it, but I can’t do it without you. I am going to need each and every one of you. Joe, without your brain, I won’t be able to figure out what these numbers are saying. I need you to run your tightest analysis. And, Jen, I need that part of you that can sell heat to a desert. We won’t get there without your pouring it on like only you can. And, Patty, I really am going to need you to run interference with the supply chain. It is going to be chaos, and if I have them breathing down my neck while I am trying to get the development done…. But, if you guys can give me all of that, we can get there.’
Henry then says, “Much is written about the ‘transparent’ leader. In my experience, the best ones have a balance of transparency, in the ways we are discussing here. They are transparent in that they let the reality of where they are and the situations be known. We can only ultimately trust people who are being real with us. But part of that is transparency not just about the facts, but about themselves as well. We need to see their vulnerabilities, and how they are feeling about things. We also need to know about their failures, and times when they haven’t gotten it right. That helps us to follow them.
“One of the greatest things a mentor or manager can do is to sit down with someone who is struggling with the task and say, ‘Let me tell you about a situation I had when I was in your position. I blew it so bad that I didn’t know how I ever would recover. Then…’ To show that kind of reality gives courage to the person as they see you now, to know that you made it and yet it wasn’t always that way.”
He then says, “But, again, the balance is key. The tension between vulnerability and strength in leaders cannot be lost. If a leader or a parent is using those she is trying to lead as a primary support group, and drawing from them her own sustenance, then things are topsy-turvy. Vulnerability is good, but to lead, one must also not be dependent on those he is leading. That kind of dependency and healing must come from somewhere else. Michael Dell might have had a therapist or consultants to work through his shyness, not his employees. What he did with them was to show that he was human, and at the same time able to keep performing. That is the kind of vulnerability that builds trust.”
And it really does, doesn’t it?
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