A thought by John C. Maxwell from his
book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.
(p.9). HarpersCollins Leadership Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to
go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
So that means you and me.
John says, “Why? Because I learned how
to do it. Connecting wasn’t something I did naturally. When I was a kid, I
wanted to connect with my parents, not just because I loved them but also
because I suspected that if I had a good connection with my mother, it might
keep me from getting a spanking when I misbehaved.”
He continues, “I had a lot of ambition
and clear goals during college and the early years of my professional life, but
my inability to connect with people was a barrier to my success.
He goes on, “Are you familiar with the Serenity
Prayer made famous by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr and adopted by many
twelve-step programs? It says, God, grant us the serenity to accept the things
we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the
difference.
“That prayer describes how I felt as I
came face-to-face with my inadequacy in connecting with other people. I felt
like I was suspended between my inadequacy and my desire to change. What I
needed was to ‘know the difference’ between what I could and couldn’t improve.
Simply recognizing that I was coming up short wasn’t enough. If I couldn’t
change and improve in this vital area of my life, it meant success would be
forever out of reach. I wanted to be able to connect with people all the time,
not just occasionally on a hit-and-miss basis.
“During that season I took stock of my
communication skills, and here is what I figured out.
“I could see that I wasn’t connecting
with others, but I didn’t know why I was coming up short or how to make up the
difference. I wished someone in my circle of relationships could help me, but
the people I could ask for help weren’t connecting with others either. The one
good thing about this season is that it got me started thinking about how to
solve the problem.
“What do you do when you’re frustrated,
or you fail? Most people either crash, cope, or change. Fortunately, my
upbringing had been good; I had a positive self-image and attitude. So, I was
able to cope. Unfortunately, coping isn’t moving forward. It’s static and
inherently defensive in nature. It’s reactive. Merely coping doesn’t help
anyone accomplish anything. It merely keeps a person afloat. What I wanted was
change.
“To communicate effectively and to
lead others, you have to take initiative. You have to be proactive. You need to
do more than merely cope. I recognized that. If I wanted to be a person who
moved forward, led others, and ran a successful organization, I needed to move
beyond coping. I needed to be connecting.”
Later he says, “The ability to connect
with others begins with understanding the value of people. Jim Collins, author
of Good to Great, observes, ‘Those who build great companies
understand that the ultimate throttle on growth for any great company is not
markets, or technology, or competition, or products. It is the one thing above
all others—the ability to get and keep enough of the right people.’ You do that
by connecting with these people.
John also says, “I believe that almost
everything we become and all that we accomplish in life are the results of our
interaction with others. If you also believe that to be true, then you know
that the ability to connect with others is one of the most important skills a person can learn.”
And that is an important skill. So, do you want to learn?
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