"To move past memory pain, we need to make peace with what happened."

A thought by H. Norman Wright from his book, When the Past Won't Let You Go (p. 23). Harvest House Publishers. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.)

Parent memories is one kind of memory that really can impact us. 

Norman says, "I’ve talked with too many people who have denied the impact of their past, which limited their ability to heal and move forward. As our parent memories unfold and are identified, life changes can occur. These memories affect the way we relate to others, how we see ourselves, and how we perceive God.

"Memory is made up of bits and pieces of our experiences. They are not just factual events. It’s more like a jigsaw puzzle that includes feelings, images, perspectives, and fragments. We spread them on a table and piece them together for our life story. This history can be used to help us make sense of our lives. It doesn’t matter who our parents were; it matters who we remember they were."

He goes on, "'Time heals all wounds' is not necessarily true. Time by itself isn’t a healer. And depending on what we do during that time, our pain could grow if negative thoughts are fed and intensified. But when we put time together with reconciling, distance, and new life experiences, the intensity of some of the feelings and the desire for payment may be blunted.

"I remember many childhood memories as pictures. I still see them in my mind. Some I remember as facts having been told them by others. What is the first memory you recall? How we view our past today was shaped by what we collected and stored away as children. A disadvantage is that those experiences were also interpreted by us as children—with a child’s way of thinking. Sometimes how we are today is marred by the way we viewed people based on our interpretation of the past. And all of this reinforces your memories."

He later says, "Memories start with an experience, but we often 'update' them based on images formed and shaped by the intensity of emotion. Details are altered and some parts are reinforced and intensified while other parts are diminished. All the pieces go together and, for example, form our attitude toward our parents. As an attitude forms, we naturally search for other memories to fit that attitude. Many discount what they thought were facts for a version of what happened or what they experienced based on a memory.

"Old hurts, which seemed huge and insurmountable at one time, often recede to the back burner after a number of years as we gather new experiences in life; we frequently view the old ones from a different perspective when we are open to the changing landscape. Our lives can expand in ways that previously seemed impossible.(1)"

So, let's be open to the new and strive to release the old and make peace with it, Ok?

Yes, yes!