A thought by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend from their book, It's Not My Fault. (pg. 68) Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
And that is so important to realize.
Henry says, “That is the nature of God’s creation. Yes, we are dealt a certain hand of cards, but we choose how to play them. A good player can win even with a bad hand. God has given you a creative will, and he gives you open doors to find a way out of any situation. Listen to the words of Solomon (Proverbs 11:9 NIV): ‘With his mouth, the godless destroys his neighbor but through knowledge the righteous escape.’
“Or the words of Paul: ‘No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.’ (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV, emphasis added)
“God promises that there is no such thing as ‘no way out.’ When we seek God, he will provide some way to escape whatever it is that ensnares us. We often see that reality in people whose lives are working. No matter what happens to them, they find a way out. In other words: Their circumstances do not have control of them. They always find choices.
“So, why don’t we always see it?”
He goes on, “First, it may be that we are not open to it. We want the option we want, and if that option is not available, then we often get stuck in blame and protest loudly that, ‘It’s not my fault.’ I think this is the main reason a lot of people remain stuck. They know what they want, and when that’s not an option, they think there are no options. It may be due to stubbornness, or it may just be an overinvestment in their preferred option.”
He also says, “Another obstacle to finding one’s options is what psychologists call ‘learned helplessness.’ The term comes from some original experiments in which animals were put in situations where no choice available to them would lead to a good outcome. Soon the animals learned to think that no matter what they did, nothing good would come of it.
He then says, “People do the same thing. They develop ‘learned helplessness,’ and it is actually a formula for depression. They learn early in life that no matter what they do, it will not affect the outcome whatsoever. No matter what they do, Dad or Mom can’t be pleased. No matter what they do, someone still gets angry. No matter what they do, they do not get the approval that they need. No matter what they do, they cannot escape the bad outcome. It’s just the way it is. So they quit trying.”
Later he says, “But the reality is—and I can tell you this with all certainty—that every single day, other people in those same situations do not just accept them as they are and resign themselves to misery. Instead, they believe that there are always choices, and they join the hand of God to find a way out of the captivity of their situation. They look past the choice they wish they could have and search for the one that works. And they find it.”
And they find it. Will you do that? Will you?
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