Skip to main content

“From I don’t have a choice, to I may not have the choice I want, but I can find other choices instead.”

A thought by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend from their book, It's Not My Fault. (pg. 65) Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

We always have choices and that is a great place to start in dealing with a problem.

Henry says, “Almost every day Dr. Townsend and I see people who hit a situation and feel helpless to correct it because they think they have no choice. Here are a few common examples:
 • I have talked to my husband, but he just won’t listen.
 • I have tried to get dates, but there are just no good ones out there.
 • I tried counseling, but it did not help me.
 • I tried a weight-loss program, but it didn’t work.
 • I confronted my friend, but she would not listen.
 • I tried talking to my mother, but she just got angry.
 • I want a new career, but they aren’t hiring new positions at my company.

“The common denominator in all these complaints points back to our theme of ownership. Each of these statements is saying, ‘It’s not my fault; it’s someone else or the circumstance. So there’s nothing I can do.’ Okay, you do not have the circumstance you want. You did not get the answer you wanted. The critical question is, who owns that result? In this list, the owners of the result are:
 • The husband
 • The dating environment
 • The last counselor who was not helpful
 • The weight-loss group
 • The friend
 • The mother
 • The company

“But, none of those people is out there worrying, suffering, or fretting about the result. Only the people passing the buck are feeling the results. That’s where the result lives—in the complainers’ lives and souls. For them to take ownership would mean that they must recognize that the problem always ends up at the doorstep of the one who is responsible for correcting it. The problem may not be their fault, but they are the ones bearing the results—who really own the results—for they have to live with them. It is their problem, not the problem of those other people. This means they are the ones responsible for doing something about it. It’s up to them to find what choices are available to them that they are not yet seeing.”

Such good advice.  Will you strive to find different ways to deal with the problem instead of blaming?  Will you take ownership in coming up with options?  Will you?


Yes, yes!
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

“We believe it’s important to derive value from everything in our lives.”

A thought by Jon Tyson from his book, The Burden Is Light: Liberating Your Life from the Tyranny of Performance and Success (p. 118). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) But is that all that is important? Jon says, “We want to realize an immediate return from whatever we invest in. I am prone to this way of thinking in so many areas of my life. ‘I paid a lot for that meal, yet the portions were not that big.’ ‘I invested two hours in that movie, and it was just okay.’   ‘I went to church, but the sermon wasn’t that profound.’ We believe it’s important to derive value from everything in our lives. But beauty doesn’t fit within that framework. When Mary anointed Jesus with oil, there was an immediate outcry against her extravagant generosity. ‘It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.’ (Mark 14:5) One gospel depicts the disciples crying, ‘Why this waste?...
Post a Comment
Read more

“Hurry and love are incompatible.”

A thought by John Mark Comer from his book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry (p. 23). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Wow, pretty strong thought isn’t it? John says, “All my worst moments as a father, a husband, and a pastor, even as a human being, are when I’m in a hurry—late for an appointment, behind on my unrealistic to-do list, trying to cram too much into my day. I ooze anger, tension, a critical nagging—the antitheses of love. If you don’t believe me, next time you’re trying to get your type B wife and three young, easily distracted children out of the house and you’re running late (a subject on which I have a wealth of experience), just pay attention to how you relate to them. Does it look and feel like love? Or is it far more in the vein of agitation, anger, a biting comment, a rough glare? Hurry and love are oil and water: they simply do not mix.” He goes on, “Hence, in the apostle P...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Lie 2: The more you worry about it, the better your odds of avoiding it."

A thought by Louie Giglio in his book,   Winning the War on Worry    (p. 5). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Here is another lie that the Enemy uses with us. And Louie says, "This is a tricky lie. Yes, we often have cause for concern and preparation. But the Enemy wants you to believe that if you worry or fret over a certain outcome long enough, you can keep something bad from happening." But this is so important to realize. He says, "The reality is worrying has never once prevented something negative from happening. Planning might. Prayer has. But worry never will." He continues, "The Enemy tells you that by worrying about a situation (or every situation) you can make your tomorrow better. Really, worry just robs you of today. Jesus implored us: 'I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body mor...
Post a Comment
Read more