“From I don’t have a choice, to I may not have the choice I want, but I can find other choices instead.”

A thought by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend from their book, It's Not My Fault. (pg. 65) Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

We always have choices and that is a great place to start in dealing with a problem.

Henry says, “Almost every day Dr. Townsend and I see people who hit a situation and feel helpless to correct it because they think they have no choice. Here are a few common examples:

 • I have talked to my husband, but he just won’t listen.

 • I have tried to get dates, but there are just no good ones out there.

 • I tried counseling, but it did not help me.

 • I tried a weight-loss program, but it didn’t work.

 • I confronted my friend, but she would not listen.

 • I tried talking to my mother, but she just got angry.

 • I want a new career, but they aren’t hiring new positions at my company.

“The common denominator in all these complaints points back to our theme of ownership. Each of these statements is saying, ‘It’s not my fault; it’s someone else or the circumstance. So there’s nothing I can do.’ Okay, you do not have the circumstance you want. You did not get the answer you wanted. The critical question is, who owns that result? In this list, the owners of the result are:

 • The husband

 • The dating environment

 • The last counselor who was not helpful

 • The weight-loss group

 • The friend

 • The mother

 • The company

“But, none of those people is out there worrying, suffering, or fretting about the result. Only the people passing the buck are feeling the results. That’s where the result lives—in the complainers’ lives and souls. For them to take ownership would mean that they must recognize that the problem always ends up at the doorstep of the one who is responsible for correcting it. The problem may not be their fault, but they are the ones bearing the results—who really own the results—for they have to live with them. It is their problem, not the problem of those other people. This means they are the ones responsible for doing something about it. It’s up to them to find what choices are available to them that they are not yet seeing.”

Such good advice.  Will you strive to find different ways to deal with the problem instead of blaming?  Will you take ownership in coming up with options?  Will you?

Yes, yes!