“Forgiveness is a decision lived out as a lengthy process.”

A thought by Larry Osborne, (2009-04-04) from his book, Ten Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe (p. 25). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

This is a book that I think we all need to pick up and read to get some clarity about some things that we think that the Bible teaches but it doesn’t. Forgiveness is one of those areas that we have some confusion and one area is the false belief that forgiving means forgetting. That isn’t what forgiving means.

Now one problem that Larry says occurs when forgiving gets confused with forgetting is that “we tend to assume that if someone has forgiven us, whatever happened in the past should be a dead issue. The other person should just get over it and move on.” “But” he says, “that's unreasonable. It unfairly turns the tables on the one who has been wronged. It assumes his or her pain should magically disappear. And if it doesn't, we get to write off the injured party as an unforgiving slob. Our sin is now their problem. Not a bad deal!” But that is not the way it works.

He goes on, “Yet, in reality, healing takes time. Forgiveness is a decision lived out as a lengthy process. The expectation that those we've wronged should simply forget about it is not only unreasonable; it's emotionally unhealthy. People who can't remember what happened to them or who bury their pain are not spiritually mature; they're mentally or emotionally handicapped.”

In other words, to expect someone who you have asked to forgive you for a wrong that you have done to them and they have forgiven you and then to expect them to never remember it, that is an unreasonable expectation. They can over time be healed of the pain which means that they have truly been freed from the act of the wrong that was done to them but they will never really forget it. That is unreasonable. But it is reasonable for you both to be freed from the act through forgiveness. And the person by choice doesn’t bring it up again and again. But that will happen as the one wronged asks for God’s healing of the pain of the wrong and the one who did the wrong being humble and repentant and asking for forgiveness and God’s grace. And that take time.

So who are you being unreasonable with?

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