“For-give. You’re giving a gift—a gift of forgiveness. It’s a choice that you have to make, an action that you have to take.”
A thought by Darren Whitehead and Jon Tyson (2011-07-19) from their book, Rumors of God: Experience the Kind of Faith You´ve Only Heard About (Kindle Location 1351). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
Now it is a gift for them, the one who has hurt you. It will free them if they ask for it but it is also a gift for you. It will also free you from their hold on you. But you also need to see if you don’t forgive then God won’t forgive you. His forgiveness is also a gift that is given to those who meet the requirements. One is confession and then asking for it and the other is forgiving those who have hurt you.
Of course it’s not easy. You have to die to yourself, to taking revenge, to your getting back at them, to make them hurt like you did. You have to die. But also remember, Jesus had to die so you could have His forgiveness. He showed us what it means to forgive when He said on the cross, “Father forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.” Our sins put Him on that cross and He forgave us. That is what He wants from us. We confess what we have done wrong, then accept His forgiveness and then offer our forgiveness to those who have hurt us.
He forgave us but we don’t receive the benefit of it until we have asked for His forgiveness. When you forgive someone you receive the benefit but they don’t until they ask for it. So go ahead and forgive them even if they haven’t asked for it. That will free you from them and the act that hurt you. For them to be free they have to ask for it.