Skip to main content

“You cannot fix the blame and solve the problem at the same time.”

A thought by Ray Johnston (2014-05-13) from his book, The Hope Quotient:  Measure It. Raise It. You'll Never Be the Same. (p.152). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

It is so easy to play the blame game, isn’t?  But it doesn’t solve the problem, does it?

Ray says, “Blame is deadly. I’ll never forget a young couple who came into my office years ago, seeking counsel for their troubled marriage. They looked sharp; they had two beautiful young children, a gorgeous home, and scowls that blistered the paint on my office walls.

“’What’s up?’ I asked. That’s all it took.

“’Well, he...’ She took off and shredded the guy for what seemed like thirty minutes. Then she made a strategic mistake— she took a breath. He took over. ‘Well, she ...’ Out came a machine gun of hurtful words that riddled her. Back and forth they went, with increasing volume until staff members stationed outside my office left to work at the loud coffee shop around the corner because it was quieter.

“’Just shut up for a minute,’ I finally said. (I’ve mentioned that counseling isn’t my forte, haven’t I?) ‘You two might be the single most immature pair of adults I have ever met, and I can prove it! Your children are about six and eight years old, right?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Would you let your son talk to your daughter the way you just talked about her?’ The husband slumped in his chair. The wife got pale and quiet.

“’You don’t even have the maturity of six-year-olds,’ I said. Then I was struck with a thought. ‘Come back another time when you are ready to fix the problem instead of just trying to “fix” the blame.’”

Ray then says, “You cannot fix the blame and solve the problem at the same time. That couple was suffering the consequences of a life without hope. Without hope, people do not believe things can improve. Discouraged people become destructive people. Blame takes the place of hope and fills the home (and my office) with all kinds of toxic emotions. The two of them had arrived with enough ammunition to destroy each other for hours. Eventually, those two made changes, and the last I heard, their kids grew up unscathed by divorce.”

He continues, “Without hope, people become disillusioned and discouraged, but people with hope believe that things actually can get better. Hope leads to the type of actions that lead to things getting better.”


So, how is your hope?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Jesus comes in the midst of the torrent."

  A thought by Max Lucado from his book,  You Are Never Alone  (p. 60). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.)   We all have storms in our lives, don't we? Max says, "No one gets through life scot-free. At one point or another the sky will darken, the winds will rage, and we will find ourselves in a modern-day version of the Galilean gusher." John 6:16–18 (NIV) says, "When evening came, his disciples went down to the lake, where they got into a boat and set off across the lake for Capernaum. By now it was dark, and Jesus had not yet joined them. A strong wind was blowing and the waters grew rough." Max goes on, "The hearts of the followers began to sink as their boat was certain to do. Their skin was soaked, throats hoarse, eyes wide. They searched the sky for a break in the clouds. They gripped the boat for fear of the waves. They screamed their prayers for help. But they heard nothing. "If only Jesu

“When you understand that life is a test, you realize that nothing is insignificant in your life.”

A thought by Rick Warren, (2012-10-23) from his book, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? (Purpose Driven Life, The) (p. 57). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. To realize that from God’s perspective life is a test goes a long way in determining how you handle your life.   It is important to see that in testing your character is both developed and revealed.   Rick goes on to say that “even the smallest incident has significance for your character development. Every day is an important day, and every second is a growth opportunity to deepen your character, to demonstrate love, or to depend on God.” So there is a God purpose behind each situation in your life.   Even the bad ones are there to strengthen you and develop you.   You see those bad situations are really good ones because they are there for your good. I start each day with a reminder that God is good.   Not every situation that is going to come in my day is good but because God is good He will use e

“What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?”

A thought by Rick Warren, (2012-10-23) from his book, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? (Purpose Driven Life, The) (p. 35). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. Rick posed this question at the end of his chapter, You Are Not an Accident.   In this chapter he deals with the fact that God created you the way you are with a purpose.   In other words you are not an accident.   I am also reading the Apostle John’s view of Jesus and what He said and did while He was here on earth.   In the beginning of Chapter 9 there is a story about a blind man.   And the disciples who were with Him asked Him a good question, “Who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind? ”   Have you ever asked the same thing about something in you that you don’t like?   Like that characteristic is a curse or something.   Society has set a standard that is not a standard of God.   Remember, He created you and you are not an accident. Jesus did answer the question about the blind