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“People don’t change because you want them to.”

A thought by John C. Maxwell (2015-10-06) from his book, Intentional Living: Choosing a Life That Matters (p. 123). Center Street. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title of the book to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

That is so important to understand as a leader, as a parent and as a minister.  I am a retired minister so that was important for me to know.

John says, “When I first started out in my career, I thought that helping people meant trying to change them. So I made that my goal. I wanted to teach messages that would take people to a higher place in their lives. I gave lots of advice. I was young and idealistic. I didn’t yet understand that people don’t change because you want them to. They change because they want to, and it happens only when they’re ready to.”

Now of course as parents we strive to encourage through different means the when they are ready to.  And that is a challenge isn’t it?

John goes on to say, “If we want to help others, then we must first help ourselves. If we want to change the world, then we must change. People can’t be agents of change unless they’ve gone through positive change themselves. I learned that I had to travel within before I traveled without. In other words, I had to make some changes in myself before I could expect to effect change in others. I could not give what I did not have. If I wanted to see others transformed, I had to be transformed. I had to do the hard work myself.”

And that is so important to understand.  He later emphasizes, “What needs to change are our hearts. What must transform are our attitudes. What must be purified are our motives. We can’t allow our lives to be all about us. That’s not the way to do something that makes a difference. If we want to choose significance, we must put other people first.”

So where do we need to change before we ask others to change?

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