“I think marriage has a way of doing that to us.”

A thought by John C. Maxwell (2015-10-06) from his book, Intentional Living: Choosing a Life That Matters (p. 111). Center Street. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title of the book to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

Ok, that thought by itself doesn’t make sense but it did get your attention, didn’t it?

Here is what John said, “I look back now and realize that as a young leader, I lived a very self-centered life. I had a ‘me first’ attitude that showed up in many areas of my life. My competitiveness was often unbridled, and my desire to win oftentimes overwhelmed my judgment. The thing that opened my eyes to this was a conversation with Margaret in the early years of our marriage. In those days, whenever Margaret and I disagreed, I used every skill I had to win the argument. Not just occasionally, but every time. It didn’t matter if the issue was large or small, philosophical or practical, personal or organizational. Every time it was a full-court press. And I won!”

He goes on, “Have you ever been in a situation where you lost by winning? For quite a long time, Margaret just put up with it. But then one day as I celebrated another victory, Margaret said simply, ‘John, you’re winning the arguments, but you’re losing my love.’ Whoa! By winning, I was actually damaging my marriage, hurting the person I most loved. And it suddenly occurred to me if I stayed on that same path, I had the potential to lose Margaret— the love of my life and the best gift God ever gave me.”

Then the thought, “That was a wake-up call. It opened my eyes, perhaps for the first time, to how selfish and self-centered I was. I think marriage has a way of doing that to us. If you’re married, maybe you agree. At any rate, that was the beginning of change for me. I wish I could say that I instantly became unselfish and never hurt Margaret’s feelings again, but that wouldn’t be true. However, I can say that it began a journey of change. Whenever I felt the desire to put winning ahead of my relationship with Margaret, I was intentional about putting her first.”

You can start the change even when you are single. Be intentional in your changing from a selfish person to an unselfish one.

Don’t you think today would be a good time to start?

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