“Relationships die without communication, and communication is hardest in the midst of conflict.”

A thought by Leonard Sweet, (2012-03-13) from his book, What Matters Most: How We Got the Point but Missed the Person (Kindle Location 2355). Random House, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

That is so true. Relationships are built on give and take, in other words, talking and listening. Not one person talking and the other person listening but each one talking and each one listening, really listening. In there comes understanding and caring.

Now in conflict there usually isn’t any listening. Oh both may be talking, telling their side of the situation, trying to convince the other one that they are right and that blocks communication which in turn damages relationships. You see, relationships are built on the mutual desire to build each other up and not tear them down. And conflict is built on tearing the other person down and building yourself up. In conflict it is all about winning and the other person losing and that is damaging and it eventually could kill the relationship.

I have found in my nearly 40 years of marriage that to stop the conflict one of us, no matter who it is, will stop and start listening to the other side. They will quit trying to prove they are right and strive to understand the other person which in a real relationship will cause the other person to also stop with their arguments for their side and start to listen to and try to understand what the other person is saying and feeling. This is the way real communication will start to happen.

The key is for this to happen as close to the beginning of the conflict as possible so there won’t be any real damage done and there is always potential for real damage in conflict. This in no way will work if one person has to always be right. There was only one person on this earth who was always right and they killed Him. So listen for the part where the other person is right and tell them what it is and they in turn may come back and tell you where you are right. That only happens though when you really listen and you really care about the other person.

There must be communication for relationships to grow. I’m not always real good at this. I am pretty introspective and can be pretty quiet. I am a stay at home retired person and my wife, Margaret is in a new job. Her job is the reason why we now live in California and I am real interested in how her days have gone. Now it would be natural for me to just leave her alone when she gets home but that is not what we do. So for the first hour before we head into watching TV we don’t turn the TV on but we go through her day at work. She tells me the good and the bad. It is one of the best hours of our day. She’s interested in sharing and I’m interest in knowing and understanding. I also share but as a retired guy my days aren’t as complicated. The key is we really care about each other and we show that by being interested in the other person. That is done in so many ways but one of the most meaningful ones is we communicate, we talk.

So how are your relationships?

“We believe it’s important to derive value from everything in our lives.”

A thought by Jon Tyson from his book, The Burden Is Light: Liberating Your Life from the Tyranny of Performance and Success (p. 118). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) But is that all that is important? Jon says, “We want to realize an immediate return from whatever we invest in. I am prone to this way of thinking in so many areas of my life. ‘I paid a lot for that meal, yet the portions were not that big.’ ‘I invested two hours in that movie, and it was just okay.’ ‘I went to church, but the sermon wasn’t that profound.’ We believe it’s important to derive value from everything in our lives. But beauty doesn’t fit within that framework. When Mary anointed Jesus with oil, there was an immediate outcry against her extravagant generosity. ‘It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.’ (Mark 14:5) One gospel depicts the disciples crying, ‘Why this waste?...

"Lie 2: The more you worry about it, the better your odds of avoiding it."

A thought by Louie Giglio in his book, Winning the War on Worry (p. 5). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Here is another lie that the Enemy uses with us. And Louie says, "This is a tricky lie. Yes, we often have cause for concern and preparation. But the Enemy wants you to believe that if you worry or fret over a certain outcome long enough, you can keep something bad from happening." But this is so important to realize. He says, "The reality is worrying has never once prevented something negative from happening. Planning might. Prayer has. But worry never will." He continues, "The Enemy tells you that by worrying about a situation (or every situation) you can make your tomorrow better. Really, worry just robs you of today. Jesus implored us: 'I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body mor...

“Hurry and love are incompatible.”

A thought by John Mark Comer from his book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry (p. 23). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Wow, pretty strong thought isn’t it? John says, “All my worst moments as a father, a husband, and a pastor, even as a human being, are when I’m in a hurry—late for an appointment, behind on my unrealistic to-do list, trying to cram too much into my day. I ooze anger, tension, a critical nagging—the antitheses of love. If you don’t believe me, next time you’re trying to get your type B wife and three young, easily distracted children out of the house and you’re running late (a subject on which I have a wealth of experience), just pay attention to how you relate to them. Does it look and feel like love? Or is it far more in the vein of agitation, anger, a biting comment, a rough glare? Hurry and love are oil and water: they simply do not mix.” He goes on, “Hence, in the apostle P...

UnknownJanuary 23, 2013 at 9:52 PM
You came up with a very true point. Our generation believes only in arguing and winning the situation. But in a relation it is not about winning or loosing. It's about understanding each others point. And "TO AGREE TO DISAGREE." and still stand as one!

Bill WilliamsJanuary 24, 2013 at 5:22 AM
conflict is a part of every relationship. but it doesn't have to damage it. it can even strengthen it.

Just Continue That Thought...

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