“If you want to win over another person, first win his heart, and the rest of him is likely to follow.”

A thought by John C. Maxwell from his book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. (p. 64). HarpersCollins Leadership Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

Here is some more practical advice.

John says, “I’ve witnessed a lot of speakers and teachers who rely too heavily on their intellect to persuade others. In addition, many of them also overestimate people’s natural receptivity to the message and their desire to change because of it. These speakers and teachers believe that all they need to do is lay out a logical line of reasoning and people will be won over. It just doesn’t work that way.”

John continues, “Whatever is inside of you, whether positive or negative, will eventually come out when you are communicating to others. The proverb ‘As a man thinks in his heart, so is he’ really is true. That comes across and impacts the way others react to you. People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude. That will either enable you to connect with people and win them over, or it will alienate them and cause you to lose them. In fact, your attitude often overpowers the words you use when speaking to others. As Jules Rose of Sloans’ Supermarkets points out, ‘The exact words that you use are far less important than the energy, intensity, and conviction with which you use them.”

John goes on, “People who are able to connect with others on an emotional level often have what could be called presence or charisma. They stand out in a crowd. Other people are drawn to them. As someone observed, ‘People will not always remember what you said. They will not always remember what you did. But, they will always remember how you made them feel.’

“Why do some people have this ability? My friend and colleague Dan Reiland helped me understand this. One day he asked, ‘John, do you know why some people have charisma and others don’t?’

“‘Personality,’ was my immediate response. ‘Some have a way with people and others don’t.’

“‘I don’t think so,’ Dan responded. ‘I don’t believe charisma is a function of personality. It’s a function of attitude.’ He then explained how people with charisma possess an outward focus instead of an inward one. They pay attention to other people, and they desire to add value to them.

“I have come to realize that Dan is right. People with ‘presence’ have an unselfish attitude that causes them to put others first. They possess a positive attitude that prompts them to look for and focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong. And they possess an unshakable confidence.”

John later says, “Here’s the bottom line on charisma. You don’t have to be gorgeous, a genius or a masterful orator to possess presence and to connect with others. You just need to be positive, believe in yourself, and focus on others. Do that, and there’s a good chance you will connect with others because you make it possible for others to feel what you feel, which is the essence of connecting on an emotional level. That’s true whether connecting with an audience, a small group, or one-on-one.

And you can I can do that, can’t we? 

Yes, yes!